pyrostinger: They say the eye is the window to the soul (Default)
(note to people using Livejournal/Dreamwidth: if you accidentally hit the 'back' key, make sure you don't then hit the 'forward' key to get back to your unfinished entry, because then it will come up blank and autosave over your original.  Do want multiple autosave options, plzkthx)

You know things aren't going to go well when the very first word of the story is "sighing".  Yep.  First word.  So when the emo ferret walks into a depressing bar, orders a warm beer in the depressing, smoke-filled atmosphere, and it's said that he would rather go to that crappy bar or watch TV rather than see what his friends are doing, then you know this is a world class emo.  Seriously, he sighs three times in the first two paragraphs. 

Doesn't help that there's some voice confusion in the story, with third person narrator suddenly going second person for a little bit, talking about how sad and pathetic this little emo boy's life is.  Lesson to writers everywhere: pick a voice and stick to it, dammit. 

Then, three girls walk in and instantly make the place more awesome through their sheer prettyfulness.  They are, as described in the story, a Jolteon pokemorph (?!) with huge tits, a human/bunny thing, and a vixen who's described as having a figure like Christina Aguilera.  Having both a pokemorph and a reference to contemporary stuff like Christina Aguilera sorta screws the setting up all to hell, since in a world where Christina Aguilera exists, Pokemon is a video game.  But apparently this was a commission, so fuck all that, it's fan fiction or something. 

So emo ferret is checking them out, but then sees them start playing grab-ass with each other, and surmises that they're all together.  So deciding that he no longer wants to attempt being social, our emo hero sighs and starts to walk out of the bar, only to be pulled back by the three girls.  What's this?  They think he's hot and have been checking him out as well?!?  What luck!

BUT LO, here comes some miscreant poker players, protesting that this emo dude lands the ladies (not that I blame them).  Emo ferret is polite initially, but when poker trio who smell of cigarettes and alcohol protest further, he unleashes his Kung Fu and knocks one of them clear across the room.  And LO, it turns out that this dude is a sleazebag with a wife at home, as he didn't bother to remove the ring before he started bitching.  Bet he beats her, too. 

So busty chicks and emo ferret introduce one another, and apparently they want to take him out on the town.  So what kind of ride does emo ferret have?  Why, it's a "2012 Chevy Camaro Transformers Edition"!  He's apparently well off, which makes him a RICH emo boy, which makes less sense.  I guess it's more tolerable that he takes them shopping and they put sexy things on for him and he passes out.  So what does he do?  Apparently he's a FAMOUS DJ!  So FAMOUS! that he implores the girls to stay close to him when they go to his job for a set, but not famous enough that he has some insecurity about whether or not they'll like it. 

Seriously, this guy is thinking while they're taking him to their house about how he's so lucky but unworthy of these girls, when they're practically throwing themselves at him, screaming FUCK US!  FUCK UUUUUUUUUUUS! and not letting him sigh his way out of it.  Goddammit, he's getting his dick wet tonight!  And despite being emo, and knowing Kung Fu, and a nice guy, he's apparently a dynamo in the sack too.  And he slips out in the early morning leaving his contact info, but they call him the next day to ask, nay, demand his presence for breakfast.  

Oh, and one of the girls has a dick.

pyrostinger: They say the eye is the window to the soul (Default)
Note: As with all Random Story Escapades, I won't mention the author or story unless I think the story deserves attention.  So far, this hasn't happened.

This one was weird.  I half-read the story over the course of a bit, because... well, the story was just kinda unremarkable.  Really, the fact that I read it was because I started reading it, and then was like... "Okay, this is pretty boring," and then went off to go do something else.  And then I came back because I forgot to close the story.  And I did finally end up reading, but I was, ultimately, unimpressed.  

First off, this story randomly used Doktor when it earlier used Dr for somebody of the same title.  Why was this?  Didn't really have any point, but it stuck out to me.  Another thing that stuck out was the use of German in the story.  Now, since the character was German I suppose it would make sense for the character to speak it, but in an otherwise English story, why was what little dialogue there was in German?  Also, I don't speak the language, but I suspect it's translated from some website.  Speaking of Germans, apparently the main character was a fuckin' Nazi, only not as such, and apparently a fringe Nazi or something, as in they're 'worried about the direction of the party' going too far right or something.  Which is kinda amazing, but I'm like... why the fuck is this character German?  Or a Nazi?  in reality, it didn't seem to have any bearing on the story at all aside from a sprinkling of Gratuitous German when the shit started happening or whatever.

Still, aside from those points, the story was pretty unremarkable.  Which is kinda amazing, considering there was a demon in it. 

One last thing.  I know this story is supposed to get all sexy in it, but why in the hell did the main character (female) go around sans panties because of the heat, then later in the story when the temperature rises, the first thing she takes off is her SKIRT.  Keep in mind she was wearing a full friggan uniform, and the first thing she takes off is her SKIRT.

Jeez.
pyrostinger: They say the eye is the window to the soul (Default)
Now, this one is a little different from the others as the stories in question I haven't actually read.  Why haven't I read it?  Because the author was so kind enough to let me and everybody else know up front that they were grammar errors in the following story.  Now, this is excusable if the author is not a native English (or insert language here) speaker.  But in just about all cases, that's a signal for me to move onto another story. Because if you're too lazy to fix grammar errors or, even worse, spelling errors, then I'm not going to read your story and nobody should.  Why?  Because that is just lazy, and laziness shouldn't be rewarded with views, much less comments.  

Yes, posting your story online isn't a book or a publication, but if you're going to be at least somewhat serious about writing, go through it once or twice.  Have a care for the flow of text.  Know what you want to say and how best to say it.  And for cryin' out Christ, if you're a budding author, don't tell me you don't care about grammar or spelling because both are extremely important!  If you have this great idea for a story, yet can't adequately express it because you don't give a shit about grammar, then you're placing this huge barrier between your potential readership and your great idea.  There are grammar rules for a reason, and that reason is that following those rules (and, when you know them, knowing when and how to bend or break them) gives you the best possible showcase for your story idea. 

In other words, don't make it harder for people to enjoy your story. 

October 2013

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