Jan. 11th, 2012

pyrostinger: They say the eye is the window to the soul (Default)
(note to people using Livejournal/Dreamwidth: if you accidentally hit the 'back' key, make sure you don't then hit the 'forward' key to get back to your unfinished entry, because then it will come up blank and autosave over your original.  Do want multiple autosave options, plzkthx)

You know things aren't going to go well when the very first word of the story is "sighing".  Yep.  First word.  So when the emo ferret walks into a depressing bar, orders a warm beer in the depressing, smoke-filled atmosphere, and it's said that he would rather go to that crappy bar or watch TV rather than see what his friends are doing, then you know this is a world class emo.  Seriously, he sighs three times in the first two paragraphs. 

Doesn't help that there's some voice confusion in the story, with third person narrator suddenly going second person for a little bit, talking about how sad and pathetic this little emo boy's life is.  Lesson to writers everywhere: pick a voice and stick to it, dammit. 

Then, three girls walk in and instantly make the place more awesome through their sheer prettyfulness.  They are, as described in the story, a Jolteon pokemorph (?!) with huge tits, a human/bunny thing, and a vixen who's described as having a figure like Christina Aguilera.  Having both a pokemorph and a reference to contemporary stuff like Christina Aguilera sorta screws the setting up all to hell, since in a world where Christina Aguilera exists, Pokemon is a video game.  But apparently this was a commission, so fuck all that, it's fan fiction or something. 

So emo ferret is checking them out, but then sees them start playing grab-ass with each other, and surmises that they're all together.  So deciding that he no longer wants to attempt being social, our emo hero sighs and starts to walk out of the bar, only to be pulled back by the three girls.  What's this?  They think he's hot and have been checking him out as well?!?  What luck!

BUT LO, here comes some miscreant poker players, protesting that this emo dude lands the ladies (not that I blame them).  Emo ferret is polite initially, but when poker trio who smell of cigarettes and alcohol protest further, he unleashes his Kung Fu and knocks one of them clear across the room.  And LO, it turns out that this dude is a sleazebag with a wife at home, as he didn't bother to remove the ring before he started bitching.  Bet he beats her, too. 

So busty chicks and emo ferret introduce one another, and apparently they want to take him out on the town.  So what kind of ride does emo ferret have?  Why, it's a "2012 Chevy Camaro Transformers Edition"!  He's apparently well off, which makes him a RICH emo boy, which makes less sense.  I guess it's more tolerable that he takes them shopping and they put sexy things on for him and he passes out.  So what does he do?  Apparently he's a FAMOUS DJ!  So FAMOUS! that he implores the girls to stay close to him when they go to his job for a set, but not famous enough that he has some insecurity about whether or not they'll like it. 

Seriously, this guy is thinking while they're taking him to their house about how he's so lucky but unworthy of these girls, when they're practically throwing themselves at him, screaming FUCK US!  FUCK UUUUUUUUUUUS! and not letting him sigh his way out of it.  Goddammit, he's getting his dick wet tonight!  And despite being emo, and knowing Kung Fu, and a nice guy, he's apparently a dynamo in the sack too.  And he slips out in the early morning leaving his contact info, but they call him the next day to ask, nay, demand his presence for breakfast.  

Oh, and one of the girls has a dick.

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