To a degree, I probably shouldn't be writing this one.  The story was a commission, and if the commissioner was happy with it, then who cares what I, some random dude spouting off on his blog on the Internet, think about it?  And really, I only have one problem with the story, one that could probably be excused by most people not reading it how I did. 

To illustrate, let me just tell you how the story goes.  First, we have a mechanic in the middle of nowhere, Louisiana, lamenting how his shop isn't getting many customers.  He has a bit of hired help that he sends home, and starts to go close up the shop.  Enter beat up old truck, stuttering into his shop.  What luck!  The mechanic goes out and greets the driver, who's truck is pretty fucked up.  It's a minor miracle that it's even driving as is. 

Anyway, driver pulls truck into garage and the possum mechanic apparently recognizes the driver.  Said driver, a massive gator with a muscle gut, is apparently a famous, if retired, wrestler. Then the mechanic asks how the car got all messed up, and the gator says "Sex happened."  Apparently he had fucked somebody else against the car so hard that it broke.  Now, here is where my attention started to waver.  To be capable of fucking somebody so hard against your car that it breaks would probably leave that person crushed by the massive force you are able to generate by simply moving your hips, conceivably.  Now, it's possible that the gator is just joking, but then the next thing he says completely takes me out of the story: "And you are one sexy possum; maybe you want a ride too?"

Not too long ago on the Bad Dog Book Club podcast, Toonces and Skip talked about the idea of the fantasy dominant.  One who knew exactly how to treat his/her submissive and talk/bully/cajole them into doing things, and the submissive will like it because the things the dominant is doing is exactly what the submissive secretly or openly wants.  Now, the thing to stress here is the word 'fantasy,' as in it is difficult to find an actual sub/dom that knows instantly what the other wants, not without extensive training of either to the other's desires.  And in this story, we have a former wrestler gator with an apparently fourteen inch dong not only overpowering the suddenly mesmerized 'possom mechanic, but able to know that this is what the 'possom secretly wants because he's sporting a stiffy.  Oh, and possibly due to the power of his muscled gut. 

You know what?  The story is pretty much unabashedly porn.  Not erotica, but porn.  It had the promise of perhaps being the former, but combine the odd specificity of certain bits (beer-can thick dong on the gator), and the fact that the story ended riiiiiiiiight after the sex did, well, yeah.  I think I would have had much less of a problem with it had it not spent nearly an entire page setting up a fairly benign situation, but such is life.  If you like muscle-guts, gay sex and/or ridiculously thick and long dicks, then you might have enjoyed it. 

Few things

• Still writing!  I have a couple projects that I'm working on actively, one that's just on the periphery.  So far, things are looking good on everything that I am working on, and I just need to get back into the swing of things.  The first is 519 words on a story that was essentially a challenge issued here by Metassus.  I should work more on that, but I confess that my muse found another subject to write on, and I currently have 2237 words on that one.  I suppose neither is really pressing, but the former is supposed to be submission number 100... so I should do that one first, no?  The third story I'm keeping secret for right now.  But just know that as of right now, 777 words are committed to it.  
• So, you may remember this RSE.  Well, apparently on another story entirely, somebody asked the burning question that I had: Why do you keep repeating yourself?  His answer?  He's trying to show the story from both character's perspectives.  To him, this apparently necessitates repeating a character's actions so that the other character can reply to them.  Even though this was repeated only a paragraph earlier, and only if somebody is suffering from some kind of extreme ADD would they forget what the first character did, since one would have read it a few minutes earlier.  I... don't... understand.
• I also have a few reviews that I need to get to.  No, I haven't forgotten about you, Poetigress.  

No, the title does not contain a typo. 

Again, there's a bunch of stories out there.  And every so often I come across it and I spot such glaring errors that, with my newfound blog post, I must tear them apart for entertainment's sake.  Because damn, this stuff is bad.

Now, this particular story ran into my inbox on FA unsolicited.  So I didn't randomly stumble upon it, it was pushed upon me, in a way.  I read it anyway, but I didn't get far before what I read was utter dross.  The story opens with an apparent outbreak of people being turned into werehorses, and this outbreak it so severe it has been reported on the evening news.  AND YET, in the very next sentence, there's the general population dismissing it as a 'weird dream.'  This kinda took me right out of the story, though on sober reflection I can kinda see how it wouldn't be taken seriously.  But honestly, if this stuff happens on a MONTHLY BASIS, with the newsmedia covering it every month, presumably, wouldn't it get, like... some credence?  Maybe?  I mean... this kinda thing would be right into the wheel house of conspiracy theorists.  Not only that, but if they're presumably finding fresh material including equine orgies...  c'mon.

But whatever.  So then, the main character [Redacted], is hanging out in a park one day, waiting for somebody.  Another crazed dude runs into him, screaming about how he should get out of the way.  [Redacted] asks why, and the other dude says, in essence, "So I can get away from everybody else" and then starts changing.  Now... couple nitpicks: 1. "Whilst" is an odd word to use, and makes what is ostensibly a contemporary story sound Olde Tyme, and 2. "When suddenly..." is a terrible way to transition to another paragraph.  Seriously. 

Now, the story is porn.  So obviously, the first thing to start transforming is the other dude's dick.  Now, I don't know the mechanics of transformation, but I suppose you gotta start somewhere... I dunno.  And this [Redacted] character?  He's a wuss.  Seriously, when somebody starts transforming in front of you, wouldn't you either be A. Paralysed in fear or B. Running the fuck away?  [Redacted] does neither.  He's just unsure.  Actual line from the story: “A...are you sure about that?” [Redacted] said, sounding a little unsure about it. 

Nothing need be said about that.  So I'll do it anyway.

I mean... I hate, hate, HATE redundancy in a story.  I'm defining it here as telling me something, then telling me the same thing in a slightly different way very, very soon after.  Like in the same paragraph.  Or sentence.  And honestly... if [Redacted] is asking the other dude if he's sure about something, wouldn't it stand to reason that he's unsure about it himself?  So stop with the fucking redundancy. 

So what follows is a series of mangled noises, what I assume are supposed to be horse once since they threw a few 'neighs' in there or something, and what amounts to rape, theoretically.  And I say theoretical rape because [Redacted] doesn't show signs of resistance or anything but practically catatonic acceptance, and [Redacted] ends up enjoying it.

Of course.

Now, I'm not railing against gradually liking things.  For one, it's porn.  For two, it's possible, though it's some rapid Stockholm Syndrome or something.  But it's thin as hell, and that combined with such terrors as sound effects in dialogue broke things for me.  Example: “Oh yesssss...damn you’re *whicker* goooood!”  On the subject, you need not extend words so damn much.  It's lazy.  But damn if this entire story doesn't strike me as lazy.  

Now, you can call me a giant writing snob if you want.  Hell, I'll agree with you.  I am a snob.  I know what I like, and I know what I think is quality.  But really... if this is the kind of thing that is catching repeated comments saying how hot it was, then people need to be introduced to quality work, because this isn't good!  It isn't.  

Anyway, werehorse...thing blows a load in [Redacted]'s face after smothering him with his ass for a time, then [Redacted] changes into a werehorse too, during which the original werehorse mounts [Redacted].  Then the story ends with the two horses admiring each other's dicks before running off into the night to infect more people. 

Oh, and there's plenty more “MUHRAUHRAUH!”

(note to people using Livejournal/Dreamwidth: if you accidentally hit the 'back' key, make sure you don't then hit the 'forward' key to get back to your unfinished entry, because then it will come up blank and autosave over your original.  Do want multiple autosave options, plzkthx)

You know things aren't going to go well when the very first word of the story is "sighing".  Yep.  First word.  So when the emo ferret walks into a depressing bar, orders a warm beer in the depressing, smoke-filled atmosphere, and it's said that he would rather go to that crappy bar or watch TV rather than see what his friends are doing, then you know this is a world class emo.  Seriously, he sighs three times in the first two paragraphs. 

Doesn't help that there's some voice confusion in the story, with third person narrator suddenly going second person for a little bit, talking about how sad and pathetic this little emo boy's life is.  Lesson to writers everywhere: pick a voice and stick to it, dammit. 

Then, three girls walk in and instantly make the place more awesome through their sheer prettyfulness.  They are, as described in the story, a Jolteon pokemorph (?!) with huge tits, a human/bunny thing, and a vixen who's described as having a figure like Christina Aguilera.  Having both a pokemorph and a reference to contemporary stuff like Christina Aguilera sorta screws the setting up all to hell, since in a world where Christina Aguilera exists, Pokemon is a video game.  But apparently this was a commission, so fuck all that, it's fan fiction or something. 

So emo ferret is checking them out, but then sees them start playing grab-ass with each other, and surmises that they're all together.  So deciding that he no longer wants to attempt being social, our emo hero sighs and starts to walk out of the bar, only to be pulled back by the three girls.  What's this?  They think he's hot and have been checking him out as well?!?  What luck!

BUT LO, here comes some miscreant poker players, protesting that this emo dude lands the ladies (not that I blame them).  Emo ferret is polite initially, but when poker trio who smell of cigarettes and alcohol protest further, he unleashes his Kung Fu and knocks one of them clear across the room.  And LO, it turns out that this dude is a sleazebag with a wife at home, as he didn't bother to remove the ring before he started bitching.  Bet he beats her, too. 

So busty chicks and emo ferret introduce one another, and apparently they want to take him out on the town.  So what kind of ride does emo ferret have?  Why, it's a "2012 Chevy Camaro Transformers Edition"!  He's apparently well off, which makes him a RICH emo boy, which makes less sense.  I guess it's more tolerable that he takes them shopping and they put sexy things on for him and he passes out.  So what does he do?  Apparently he's a FAMOUS DJ!  So FAMOUS! that he implores the girls to stay close to him when they go to his job for a set, but not famous enough that he has some insecurity about whether or not they'll like it. 

Seriously, this guy is thinking while they're taking him to their house about how he's so lucky but unworthy of these girls, when they're practically throwing themselves at him, screaming FUCK US!  FUCK UUUUUUUUUUUS! and not letting him sigh his way out of it.  Goddammit, he's getting his dick wet tonight!  And despite being emo, and knowing Kung Fu, and a nice guy, he's apparently a dynamo in the sack too.  And he slips out in the early morning leaving his contact info, but they call him the next day to ask, nay, demand his presence for breakfast.  

Oh, and one of the girls has a dick.

Note: As with all Random Story Escapades, I won't mention the author or story unless I think the story deserves attention.  So far, this hasn't happened.

This one was weird.  I half-read the story over the course of a bit, because... well, the story was just kinda unremarkable.  Really, the fact that I read it was because I started reading it, and then was like... "Okay, this is pretty boring," and then went off to go do something else.  And then I came back because I forgot to close the story.  And I did finally end up reading, but I was, ultimately, unimpressed.  

First off, this story randomly used Doktor when it earlier used Dr for somebody of the same title.  Why was this?  Didn't really have any point, but it stuck out to me.  Another thing that stuck out was the use of German in the story.  Now, since the character was German I suppose it would make sense for the character to speak it, but in an otherwise English story, why was what little dialogue there was in German?  Also, I don't speak the language, but I suspect it's translated from some website.  Speaking of Germans, apparently the main character was a fuckin' Nazi, only not as such, and apparently a fringe Nazi or something, as in they're 'worried about the direction of the party' going too far right or something.  Which is kinda amazing, but I'm like... why the fuck is this character German?  Or a Nazi?  in reality, it didn't seem to have any bearing on the story at all aside from a sprinkling of Gratuitous German when the shit started happening or whatever.

Still, aside from those points, the story was pretty unremarkable.  Which is kinda amazing, considering there was a demon in it. 

One last thing.  I know this story is supposed to get all sexy in it, but why in the hell did the main character (female) go around sans panties because of the heat, then later in the story when the temperature rises, the first thing she takes off is her SKIRT.  Keep in mind she was wearing a full friggan uniform, and the first thing she takes off is her SKIRT.

Jeez.